Look Mum No Hands!

When you don’t have anything better to do, you start to find ways to entertain yourself. An idea was hatched when two friends and I were sitting at ‘look mum no hands!‘ on Old Street. We each wrote a line and passed it to the next person to continue the verse. This is what a collaboration of three bored minds looks like:

Look into my teary eyes,

the rotten meat is full of flies

My pain is deep and I feel sick,

every-time I think about cats I get a tick

The road ahead is long and dark,

eerie, creepy strangers in a park

If life had meaning when I started out,

I surely would have slapped the trout

This bitter, hopeless taste in my mouth,

constantly makes every plan I make go south

The sun will break the cloudy sky,

and maybe today I wont want to die

Underwear and pork pies just don’t make sense,

I sold my virginity for 20 cents

The beats of life urge me to go on,

I promise to kill myself just before I have to mow the lawn….

Enjoy it while it lasts!

So I woke up this morning feeling mentally and physically drained … I rolled out of bed and into my clothes and headed to the bus stop. With a flapjack in one hand and my bag & coat in the other – I ran to the bus and barely made it in. I stood crammed amidst a crowd of people, some yawning, some alert, some smelling of freshly sprayed perfume, some holding coffee and listened to the same voice I’ve been hearing for the past 2 years, announce the same stops on the same route I take each morning. ugh. I hate monotony but this is what it has come down to now.

And then it got me thinking – something I think about pretty often…. How awesome was it when I was a student?! It’s true what they say… Enjoy it while it lasts.

So to break my monotonous day at the office – I dedicate this post with some of my favorite ‘you are/ you’re no longer a student when’ jokes to my long lost student life – something I will forever cherish and miss as I get older and older:

You are a Student when…

A lecture at noon is considered “too early”

You say “I’m never going to drink again” at least twice a week

3 days go by before you realize you’ve not left the house or got dressed

A balanced diet means varying your takeaway choices

The Chinese delivery place you order from knows your address off by heart

You pull all-nighters writing up essays

You pull all-nighters chilling with friends

Your friends decide to bake cake at 5:00am

You can spend a lazy day reading a book or relaxing on your couch

You watch a TV series that airs at 4:00am daily

It’s ok to go out on a school night

You’re no longer a Student when…

7:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to sleep

You keep more food than beer in the fridge

You know all of the people sleeping in your house

You hear your favourite song in the lift at work

All nighters are no longer realistic or physically possible

You don’t pregame at home before going out to a club

You no longer go out to clubs

A lot of weddings are suddenly happening

You go from: 1 month at Christmas 1, month at Easter & 3 months summer holidays to 25 days of holidays a year

You get out of bed in the morning even if it’s raining

You no longer take naps from noon to 6 pm

You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time

‘I just can’t drink the way I used to’ replaces ‘I’m never going to drink that much again’

Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work

The Doors – “The Soft Parade”

“When I was back there in seminary school There was a person there Who put forth the proposition That you can petition the Lord with prayer Petition the lord with prayer Petition the lord with prayer You cannot petition the lord with prayer! Can you give me sanctuary I must find a place to hide A place for me to hide Can you find me soft asylum I can’t make it anymore The Man is at the door

Peppermint, miniskirts, chocolate candy Champion sax and a girl named Sandy There’s only four ways to get unraveled One is to sleep and the other is travel, da da One is a bandit up in the hills One is to love your neighbor ’till His wife gets home Catacombs Nursery bones Winter women Growing stones Carrying babies To the river Streets and shoes Avenues Leather riders Selling news The monk bought lunch Ha ha, he bought a little Yes, he did Woo! This is the best part of the trip This is the trip, the best part I really like What’d he say? Yeah! Yeah, right! Pretty good, huh Huh! Yeah, I’m proud to be a part of this number Successful hills are here to stay Everything must be this way Gentle streets where people play

Welcome to the Soft Parade All our lives we sweat and save Building for a shallow grave Must be something else we say Somehow to defend this place Everything must be this way Everything must be this way, yeah The Soft Parade has now begun Listen to the engines hum People out to have some fun A cobra on my left Leopard on my right, yeah The deer woman in a silk dress Girls with beads around their necks Kiss the hunter of the green vest Who has wrestled before With lions in the night Out of sight! The lights are getting brighter The radio is moaning Calling to the dogs There are still a few animals Left out in the yard But it’s getting harder To describe sailors To the underfed Tropic corridor Tropic treasure What got us this far To this mild equator? We need someone or something new Something else to get us through, yeah, c’mon Callin’ on the dogs Callin’ on the dogs Oh, it’s gettin’ harder Callin’ on the dogs Callin’ in the dogs Callin’ all the dogs Callin’ on the gods You gotta meet me Too late, baby Slay a few animals At the crossroads Too late All in the yard But it’s gettin’ harder By the crossroads You gotta meet me Oh, we’re goin’, we’re goin great At the edge of town Tropic corridor Tropic treasure Havin’ a good time Got to come along What got us this far To this mild equator? Outskirts of the city You and I We need someone new Somethin’ new Somethin’ else to get us through Better bring your gun Better bring your gun Tropic corridor Tropic treasure We’re gonna ride and have some fun When all else fails We can whip the horse’s eyes And make them sleep And cry…” – The Doors 1969

Bodily Fluids: Another Kind Of “Street Art”

Another kind of “Street Art” hits the streets of London every day….but no one talks about it. This aggressive portrayal of emotion and mental state has the ability to shock, or disgust, even the most educated art critic. No matter what the time or place, encountering a piece of this kind of art will definitely evoke some kind of emotion. What is most impressive about this craft is that it has no prerequisites, thus, it leaves the door open for anyone to join.  Even if you haven’t personally been a part of the movement, there is no doubt that you have seen these masterpieces all over the city. This form of “art” is so pure and unpretentious that we could even take a step back and say that it’s art that “comes from within”.

Most of the time the stunning creations are unplanned and unwanted. With no boundaries or laws, anyone is free to express themselves, however, whenever and wherever they want. Sidewalks are the most popular sites for such work, but others, the “free-er” minds, choose much more exotic locations. You may come across the stuff splattered across a shop window, or realize that the empty seat you are sitting next to on the bus is drenched with a perfectly shaped, smelly and sticky substance…whatever the case, look on the bright side and try to understand the meaning of it all.

The beauty of this art form is the process, which is no simple task. It involves a meticulous disruption of the body’s balance by ingesting substances that should be controlled with a certain amount of intake. The body’s saturation level for these substances needs to be surpassed to achieve the desired imbalance. Often, younger generations are best, and fastest at reaching the toxic state of inebriation. This allows them to be in a “fully-loaded” state which will successfully result in them “tagging” their surroundings with complete disregard or acknowledgement.

Dazed and confused women are notorious proprietors of this ancient art form. They often find themselves creating patterns in the fluid as they wade barefoot, trying to get the last remains and pieces out of their hair. As soon as they fall to the ground in disarray, strange men appear, offering more drinks and promises of incredible sexual gratification to end the night. Pairs and groups are successfully formed, while slurred speech and weightless “beer goggles” guide them through the night…

I have to admit that London has the most human “deposits” I have ever seen in any city in the world. I think it’s all a matter of getting used to, and learning to see another side of the whole situation. It used to disgust or even aggravate me, but now I have deemed it art…and I’m sticking to it. Next time you’re on a night out, stop and look around to try and see if you can find a fresh batch, or the outlining remains of an old piece which has eroded with time.

For a touch of class and poise, please watch this YouTube video

Some of the pictures used were taken by me, and some I found online. They are all in London.